Don't Say the Words
by The Roses of London
Summary: Titanic AU. When Lovino is dragged on board the RMS Titanic, he was expecting a dull trip to America, but his world is quickly turned upside down when he encounters his former childhood... friend on board as well. Rated M for sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is the first of a very long series of stories in this Titanic AU. There will be a slight crossing over of the stories, but I will try to keep it minimal. You don't have to read the other stories to understand this, but if you are interested, I intend to publish them very soon! Stay tuned.

If you are expecting a cute, fluffy fic, I'm sorry, but you've come to the wrong place. This story is full of angst and tragedy. If you want fluff, try something that isn't a Titanic AU.

WARNING: Rated M for sexual scenes and language. Contains boy x boy. Don't like it, don't read it. Multiple character deaths. Oops.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters, as nice as that would be.

* * *

_Don't say you love me_

_I don't believe it_

_Don't say the words_

_If you don't mean it_

_Don't wanna hear it_

_Out in the open_

_Keep it inside_

_If you don't mean it_

* * *

"_Fratello,_" the younger Italian called cheerily, "look!"

Grunting, Lovino followed his brother's finger, pointing at the immensely huge ship before them. Feliciano really didn't have to wave his hand so frantically pointing to it. Lovino glowered at it; impressive as it's size was he refused to be amazed by the grandeur of it. After all, it wasn't _his _idea that they left behind Italy, the only place he had ever called home, and sell everything to buy three tickets aboard the RMS Titanic to live in America. That was his grandfather's doing, and Lovino was dragged against his will to this goddamn island where it was always so cloudy and gloomy and not like Italy at all. The ship was pretty remarkable, but it was exactly where Lovino didn't want to be.

"Feliciano, hold my hand or you'll get lost in all these people!" Grandpa Roma reached out to grab the little Italian by the hand and tug him along.

Lovino glowered even more.

The three of them pushed their way through the mob of people, Lovino trying to keep up with his perpetually cheerful family. Why were they so _happy, _damnit? They just left behind everything they knew, why were they so willingly boarding the ship? They were laughing and smiling and not even stopping to cast a glance back as Lovino was pushed around in the mob of people shoving him around like they didn't even notice he was standing there. "Hey!" Lovino called to them, but his call was lost in the chatter of everyone around them. "Oi, bastards-"

Lovino was thrown to the ground as another man crashed into him forcefully. He felt the air escape his lungs and he let out a strangled noise. He laid there for a split second before pushing himself up off the ground. "Watch where you're going, you jackass!" He brushed off his shirt and scowled at the man, who looked alarmed but confused, obviously not able to understand Italian. "Tch." Lovino turned on heel from the man and walked off before realizing he had absolutely no idea where he was going. He had lost sight of Feliciano and Grandpa Roma when he fell to the ground, and now he wandered through the masses to find his stupid family. _It would be just like them to forget me. _He cursed.

Getting a little panicky, Lovino glanced up at the clock. _Five minutes, merda. _As much as he didn't want to leave Europe, he didn't want to stay here all alone with nobody. He swore and not bothering to think, he ran up the nearest ramp onto the ship.

"Ticket, sir?" The man at the top of the ramp stopped Lovino before he charged onto the boat. _Cazzo, right... _Lovino just stared at the man in utter confusion. "I need your ticket before you board."

"Uh, you see sir, I have my ticket," Lovino tried explaining very unconvincingly, "it's just, it's already on board. My grandfather has it, and if I could find it and give it to you-" Lovino took a step forward, but the man held him back.

"You are not allowed onto the ship without a ticket." His face clearly said that he didn't believe Lovino one bit.

"I _have _a ticket, bastard, just not with me!" He tried shoving past the man, but he had considerable size on Lovino and held him back easily. Shouting angrily in Italian, he said, "You ass, I have to see my family!" At the same time the man yelled "Calm down sir or I will have to restrain you!"

"Lovino?"

Lovino froze as he heard the unfamiliar voice call him name. The man he was fighting stopped too, and both of their eyes followed to where the noise had come from. Lovino looked to see a completely unknown man, with messy brown hair, eyes wide in surprise, staring at Lovino, a bright smile on his face. Lovino raised one eyebrow quizzically. He didn't recognize the man, so why...

The man jogged up to Lovino and the man he was tussling with. Lovino took a step back and straightened himself out, fixing his hair and his shirt. "Uhm. _Ciao."_

"_Ciao, _Lovi, it sure has been a while!" His Italian sounded slightly off, accented. Lovino didn't understand what was going on, but this man seemed to know him, so he played along. He was well dressed in a suit and tie, with a fedora balancing lopsided on his head, giving him a playful look. He turned to the man and showed him a piece of paper. Speaking in English, he explained, "He is with me."

The ticket collector looked doubtfully between the two men, but he submitted and took a step back to let Lovino pass. "As you say, sir."

Lovino stared in bewilderment at the man, then the ticket collector, then back at the man. He just- he could get Lovino on the ship, just like that? Who _was _this man? Lovino hadn't moved a muscle when the strange man grabbed him by the hand and yanked him forward onto the ship. Lovino nearly tripped over his own feet and the man didn't let go of his hand.

"Lovi, wow, I haven't seen you in so long, look at you! You've gotten almost as big as me!" He grinned at him, and Lovino placed his accent as Spanish. But still unfamiliar.

Lovino stopped in the middle of the hallway, pulling his hand away from the man. "Er, I'm sorry, I don't recognize you at all." He shifted uncomfortably.

Lovino thought the man would be hurt, or confused, but he just smiled cheerily. "Well, it has been a while. It's me, Antonio!"

Lovino blinked. _Who? _Then the memories hit him like a freight train. The messy hair, the lilting Spanish accent, the happy-go-lucky attitude... How did he ever forget? "Uh. An... Toni. _Oh._" He blushed from ear to ear, recalling their childhood... _friendship. _"Well. You got older." He stared at the man, who he knew as just a small child, and was surprised that he recognized the broad-shouldered man at all. He was still the larger of the two, with a few inches on Lovino, his eyes falling at Toni's lips.

Antonio chuckled. "You did too. It happens." There was a moment of pause. "You're lucky I even recognized you, or else you might not be on the ship." Right on cue, the ships horn went off, signaling it's departure from the port. "What happened to your ticket?"

Lovino shoved his hands in his pockets. "Grandpa had it, but... they left me behind and forgot about me."

"It'd be hard to forget you, Lovi," Antonio promised, with a smile that made Lovino's heart flutter in his chest. "I bet they're looking for you right now!"

"I bet they haven't even noticed I'm gone," he told the floor.

At that, Antonio laughed, a light, cheery noise that seemed to brighten the air around them. Lovino pouted, staring at him. "You haven't changed one bit, have you?"

Lovino was offended. He wasn't a child anymore, he had hoped he had matured quite a bit from the time they had last met. "Excuse me? I have _to_, bastard, I'm not a cute little kid anymore! I'm an adult now, jackass!"

Antonio was unfazed. "Well, you've expanded your vocabulary."

"Tch." The longer he stayed with this damn Spaniard, the more he was getting pissed off. He wondered what on earth ever possessed him to be friend with him, and his all-too-happy face was getting more annoying by the second. He turned on heel to get away from him.

"Wait, Lovi," Antonio grabbed his hand to stop him. "I'm sorry, that was rude. Could I at least see Feli and _Señor _Roma?"

He retracted his hand at the contact. "Whatever, bastard." Lovino realized he had no idea which part of the giant ship he was on, and did a double take at the elaborately decorated hall that surrounded him. "_Merda, _are we in first class?"

"Yes. It's pretty nice, right?" There was a hint of smugness in his voice that Lovino didn't enjoy hearing. He stared at the walls in awe, taking in the background for the first time.

"You're riding first class." It wasn't a question.

Antonio nodded, a smirk on his face. Lovino glared at him, scowling. _So. _That was where he was all the time he was gone, living in the lap of luxury while Lovino's family was left starving, struggling to pay the rent on their run-down cottage. It wasn't like Lovino was envious- he could care less about being rich- but he was upset with Antonio for disappearing just to live the high life.

"Right. Well, if you want to see them, you might have to lower your standards a bit. Come on."

* * *

_Summer, 1897_

* * *

"_Fratello, _why won't you come play?" The small five year old, Feliciano, asked his older brother.

"Leave me alone, Feli," Lovino snapped angrily. He was outside, sulking in the field behind their small cottage in southern Italy. The grass was lush, soft, and a gorgeously rich green expanse the stretched as far as the eye could see, with similar small homes sprinkled throughout. The cool breeze ruffled their hair, rumpled their clothes. Lovino sat with his knees tucked up to his chin, his hair covering his eyes. Lovino didn't want to go play with Feliciano and all of his friends; he didn't want to see how much more they liked Feliciano than him, how _Nonno _doted on Feli and paid no attention to him. He would much rather sit right here and sulk where nobody could bother him for the rest of the afternoon.

Feliciano looked hurt, but he didn't press the issue with Lovino. He walked back up the side of the hill alone. That was what Lovino hated the most, the fact that his brother wasn't the guilty one at all. It would be so much easier if he could just blame his brother, and hate his brother, but he couldn't because Feliciano was oblivious to the way everyone fell all over him. Lovino only had himself to blame.

He buried his face in his arms, folding them on top of his knees. He didn't want to admit that all he actually wanted was to play with the kids, but he didn't want everyone to pay attention to his brother or play with Lovino because Feliciano was there, he wanted them to play with him because he was _him. _

There was a rustling in the grass and light footsteps behind him, and Lovino thought that his brother had come back to pester him, but when he spun around, it was a face of a boy he'd never seen before. He looked a few years older than Lovino, maybe nine or ten. He had a bright smile on his face, his green eyes shining in the early afternoon sun. His tousled brown hair flipped in the wind, his oversized clothes rippling with it. Lovino glared at the boy, but his smile never faltered. instead, he sat in the grass next to Lovino.

Lovino decided he wasn't going to give this boy the time of day. He just ignored him, folding his arms and turning away. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the boy did the same. Narrowing his eyes, Lovino crossed his legs. The boy followed suit. Lovino touched his head, then his nose, then his shoulder. The boy copied his movements exactly.

"What the heck are you doing, you jerk, are you mocking me?" Lovino demanded, shouting.

The boy seemed totally oblivious to Lovino's anger, and shook his head. "No, _mi mamá _always says that imitation is the highest form of praise!"

To that, Lovino had no response. He just stared, utterly bewildered by the words that had just come out of the boy's mouth. The... he just _complimented _him, and they didn't even know each other. Lovino decided he was funny in the head.

But when the boy smiled at him like that, how could he not return it?

* * *

A strong hand placed itself on his shoulder and shook him. "Lovino?"

Grumbling, Lovino opened his eyes to see Antonio kneeling next to him. He must have drifted off at the table, judging by the crick in his neck. Alarmed by just how close Antonio's face was to his, he jumped, then angrily cursed in Italian, cheeks pink. Antonio laughed and said, "Looks like you were taking a siesta."

"_Vaffanculo" _was Lovino's response.

Either not knowing or not caring what that meant, Antonio smiled. "Feli and _Señor _Roma already went up to dinner. They didn't want to wake you, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye." His accent was so distracting, Lovino got lost in the words.

"Great, now leave." He dismissed him, standing and moving over to the small couch.

Before he got there, Antonio cut him off. "You should really come up and visit, though."

"I'll see if I can find the time." _I could always make time... _

Lovino's tone was cold, but Antonio grinned at the idea of potentially seeing him again. There was just no way to break his cheery mood, was there? He slipped a scrap of paper into Lovino's hand, leaning in a little _too _close to Lovino's ear, feeling his hot breath. He smelled of citrus and an early summer breeze.

He smirked, then in one clean move he picked up his hat from the table and placed it on his head. Tipping it, he said, "_Hasta luego," _and was out of the room.

Lovino huffed, staring at the door for a few moments before unfolding the wrinkled piece of paper to read the words hastily scrawled on it.

_We should talk. Room 201A, mi corazón._

He frowned. He thought maybe he should just toss the note. but something in him moved his hand to his pocket to tuck it away. It wasn't like he was actually going to _visit _the bastard- why would he, it would be a waste of time, he didn't want to... but, a part of his mind dwelled on to way Antonio lit up when he saw him, his charming Spanish accent...

Lovino sat back down, hit his head against the table, and allowed himself to sleep once more.

* * *

_Twenty five years old. _Lovino found himself shocked at all the time that had passed from the time they were small children. He was even more surprised by how clearly he still remembered the damn Spaniard after all that time. He had done his best to shove the memories to the back of his mind after his sudden departure from their little countryside, even though it had taken months for Lovino to get over it. Most of Lovino wanted to tell Antonio off. It was his right, after all- it was unfair of him to just disappear and break his young heart, only to reappear over a decade later and not explain anything. Lovino cursed his luck. Why did _that _Spanish bastard have to be here, why did he have to be so charismatic and gorgeous with his tan and that almost _longing _look he gave Lovino...

_But maybe it's fate, _the other part of Lovino hoped, practically prayed for. Maybe they were destined to meet again on this ship, so that they could make things right again. There could be no other explanation for why it was _Antonio _who saw him trying to board the ship, how Lovino was so mesmerized by his emerald green eyes... He was impressed at how much he actually missed the Spaniard, and how he had managed to keep such strong emotion repressed for _such _a long time... he daydreamed of lazy afternoons in the sun, laying in the grass for hours, a stolen kiss under a willow tree...

Wait. They weren't little kids anymore, Lovino knew that. He was an adult now, twenty-two years of age, not that pouty seven year old anymore. He was different- albeit still a little pouty- and he couldn't- there was no way for a relationship between two grown men could work.

But when he thought of that _smile..._

Lovino laid in his bed and stared up at the plain white ceiling, rubbing his face as the sunlight poured in through the windows. He had slept in after all those days of traveling with no proper sleep. He propped himself up on one elbow lazily, and scanned the room to see Grandpa and Feliciano at the table, sipping tea with Antonio. Before he could lay back down and pretend to be asleep until Antonio left, he caught his eye and smiled. " _Buenas días, _Lovi!"

Scowling, Lovino only grunted in return, trying to be cool as his cheeks colored. Having no choice, he threw the blankets off him and climbed down from the top bunk he was sleeping in, trudged over to the table, and plopped himself down in the only available seat next to Antonio. He poured himself a cup of tea as his grandfather said, "How nice of you to join us, Lovino, I was beginning to think you were going to sleep through to the afternoon."

"Tired," Lovino replied sleepily and took a sip of his tea.

Their conversation continued. "Yeah, I traveled all over Europe, I even went to Asia once." Antonio sounded excited to talk about his travels, his voice enigmatic. "The world really is a big place, but I want to see it all. That's what I'm doing here, I figured I'd give the west a try."

"Ah, but shouldn't a man your age be thinking of settling down and having a family?" Roma insinuated.

Antonio laughed. "Life is too short to be thinking about things like wives." He winked at Lovino, who almost choked on his tea. He wasn't sure if he felt hot because of the tea or embarrassment.

Feliciano stared at Lovino, but Grandpa Roma didn't seem to notice. "It's a shame we haven't been able to visit much else outside of Italy."

"We went to Berlin that one Christmas," Feliciano piped up. "It was really pretty, with all the snow and the decorations on the trees and the lights. Lovino didn't like it very much, I could tell because he was always grumbling about how the food was really bad and the people were always so loud."

Antonio smirked at this new information on Lovino, who turned bright red. "Bastard, don't just talk about people who are sitting right next to you!"

"But Lovino, you _didn't _like Berlin, you were always angry and swearing."

"Damn potato bastards," Lovino mumbled into his tea.

"That was the Christmas right after..." He trailed off and hid his face in his tea.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Antonio spoke up. "Yes, Christmas in Berlin is nice, but if you ever visit Beijing on New Year's..." He went on to talk about the thousands of places he'd visited, all over the eastern hemisphere, visiting Versailles and Amsterdam, and how he even found himself stuck on a _pirate _ship with his two friends. Lovino pretended to be disinterested, but he couldn't help but be fascinated by all of his crazy adventures while he was away. But he didn't want to hear about it, because while he was off in faraway places, Lovino was sitting on that hill, missing him. If he could travel anywhere he wanted, why didn't he come back to him?

Then it hit him. He probably wasn't even that important to Antonio. He was a silly little childhood crush, nothing more than that. Antonio didn't care; Lovino, that year, it didn't matter at all.

He shot up out of his seat so quickly his knees knocked into the table and he spilled his tea. The whole table stared at him, and Antonio looked worried. "Uh... I- I think I should go, uh, shower. Now." He shoved his chair aside and hastily grabbed some clothes, rushing out the door. He could hear Antonio ask "Lovi?" from the other side, but he didn't respond.

Damn this ship. Damn that Spanish bastard for toying with his feelings like they were a child's playthings. Damn it all to hell. He wished he'd never run into him again, he wished he'd never met Antonio at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hello again! Firstly, I wanted to thank you for the lovely reviews you all left, and I was very pleased with the amount of favorites and followers this story got! I hope the numbers keep rising!

Secondly, I would like to apologize for the wait, this chapter was very difficult to write for me, and I had a bad case of writer's block for weeks. Fortunately, this chapter turned out even better than I expected, so I hope you enjoy~!

* * *

For the remainder of the day, Lovino made sure to avoid Antonio to the best of his abilities. He didn't return to the room after he finished up his shower; he didn't want to see Antonio because he was too angry, too afraid to face him and Lovino's own feelings were clouding his head so much he couldn't even think straight. He tried to find a nice secluded area of the deck, and decided that fresh air would be the best to clear his mind. He made his way to the back of the ship, the bright sun finally showing once the weather cleared up after leaving Ireland. Walking around the deck, Lovino's head didn't get any more clear- in fact, it made him even more confused.

Lovino didn't know what to make of Antonio. His feelings were very conflicted over him- he was absolutely dumbstruck by his presence, so much so that he was left blinded and breathless, struggling to keep a grip on reality as all of these emotion of longing and rage and wonder and sadness battered his heart and battled to rise to the top.

A part of Lovino tried desperately to hold onto what they used to have in childhood, the innocence that once surrounded him. Seeing Antonio again had filled him with a feeling that he had been missing from the time he disappeared - he wasn't sure what it was, he just knew he liked it.

The other part of him, the most logical part Lovino liked to think, looked at the situation objectively, detaching any emotions he might have felt. He had a sinking feeling when he thought about it, and he leaned against the side of the boat, his back to the ocean. He sighed and closed his eyes.

They were men. Grown, adult men, and Lovino wasn't supposed to have these sorts of feelings for another man. It was one thing as little kids, but now it was just impossible. Lovino started to hate himself even more over it, it was wrong, disgusting, a sin... There wasn't a doubt in his mind, he wasn't going to let these feelings get the best of him, they couldn't grow...

He had to distance himself from Antonio, maybe cut himself off completely and run far, far away. Lovino pulled out the slip of paper given to him from his pocket and stared at it, not reading the words, just studying the simple curves of the last two words written on the note. Then, taking a deep breath, he turned and dropped the paper overboard, watching as it floated down until it was just a speck on the water.

He turned back around and slumped against the railing, sliding until he hit the ground. He assumed his usual, comfortable position, tucking his knees up to his chin and burying his face in his arms. If he had never found that bastard, this wouldn't have happened, he wouldn't be feeling this way...

He'd have the same empty feeling he'd had for the past 15 years, the same feeling of being unwanted, unloved, like he was just a burden to his family because he wasn't talented or likeable like Feliciano, he didn't even have a well-paying job to support himself or his family. And the only person who had ever made Lovino feel different, to make him feel like he mattered or take the time out of their life to notice him as something _more, _that was Antonio.

Lovino felt like pulling his hair out. He wasn't prepared for this sort of emotional struggle; it was almost more than the young Italian's heart could take. This was ridiculous, insane, the sheer amount of emotion that Antonio was able to invoke by just being in his presence. It was horribly annoying, and Lovino hated him for it.

He leaned his head back to look up at the almost clear sky. He had to be the luckiest unlucky man in the world; he never would have imagined that he could ever see the only person in the world who had loved Lovino so clearly and completely- even if he was a man.

If he was never actually supposed to meet Antonio again, he was damn glad he did.

* * *

_Fall, 1897_

* * *

Lovino always hated going into town. Granted, Lovino hated most things, but he was particularly aggravated every time his grandfather and Feli dragged him onto the streets of the tiny nearby Italian town. He grumpily followed his _nonno _and _fratello _down the dirt road, who were skipping happily ahead and conversing without him, as usual. Lovino folded his arms and shuffled along, occasionally kicking and rocks that happened upon his path. He wasn't exactly sure what his grandfather hoped to achieve on this little escapade; he probably just wanted to get out of the house to flirt with the local women. Lovino wished he didn't have to be dragged along, but who knew, maybe they had some fresh tomatoes in the market this week.

Over the past four months, the boy from the hill, Antonio was his name, continued seeing Lovino- he actually never left him alone. Lovino had to admit that as annoying as the ever-cheery boy was, he was kind of glad for the company. It was bizarre, how much attention he paid to Lovino and no one else. Of course, he liked Feliciano, but it was Lovino he was really interested in, wanted to be friends with. Nobody had ever seeked Lovino's friendship so persistently, and despite all Lovino's cues for him to leave, he just kept coming back. Nothing ever fazed him. Of course, Lovino made it hard for Antonio to get anything in return, from a smile to a simple conversation. But when Antonio just radiated happiness, it was hard for Lovino to keep his own hidden. So, eventually, Lovino returned the friendship.

_Maybe Toni's in town, _Lovino thought hopefully, picking up his pace to catch up to his family. They walked into town, and the townspeople all seemed to be outside, windows open to a nice afternoon like this. Cold was just around the corner, and everyone was enjoying the last few days of warmth while they could. The open-air market was crowded with mothers, their children running and playing in the forest of their legs. Feliciano quickly found his gang of friends and ran off to play with them, and Lovino was stuck with the task of carrying around the bags of food that _nonno _bought. He grumbled along, lifting the bags so they wouldn't crash against his hips or knees. They weren't heavy or anything- Lovino was a strong seven-year-old- but as his grandfather dropped more and more food into the bag, his arms felt strained and he hoped they would be done here soon.

His grandfather was busy flirting it up with the grocer when Lovino noticed a gang of boys his age staring at him. What, they had some sort of problem with him? Lovino didn't care, he wasn't going to give them the time of day...

"Hey, you," one of the boys called over to him, "Is your younger brother Feliciano?"

Lovino froze. So, they had something to say about Feli. "Yeah, what's it to you?" Lovino spat.

The boys smirked and stepped forward towards Lovino. He gently slid the bags off from around his arms and placed them on the ground. The boys laughed at him. They had considerable size on the scrawny boy, and also, there were four of them. Not that it mattered, Lovino was sure he could beat them all to a pulp if he wanted, and he probably would. He just cocked his head and folded his arms.

"You sure he's your brother? He wears dresses, like a girl."

"Yeah, I see him with that German boy, like they've got something up. Pretty nasty."

"What's he got under that frilly dress of his?"

Lovino scowled. Yeah, Feliciano wore dresses, yeah, it was embarrassing, but Lovino wasn't going to stand for these jerks talking _anything _about his younger brother. "Shut up, jerks."

The ringleader of the bunch, a tough-looking boy with curly red hair that hadn't been washed in several days, stepped really close to Lovino and threatened, "You know, we could always check ourselves."

Now _that _was crossing a line. Lovino didn't mind if he was the one getting into fights, but if they thought they could lay a single one of their grubby, disgusting hands on Feli... They were dead wrong. "I'd like to see you try. You wanna fight me?"

Lovino wasn't so sure he could fight them all anymore, the way the biggest one was looming over him, cracking his knuckles threateningly, and the rest were advancing as well -

"Hey, what's going on?" Another youthful voice called from the side. Lovino looked away from his opponents to see Antonio standing a few feet away, his mouth set in a hard line, eyes narrowed at the group of boys that were ready to beat Lovino to the dirt. It was the most serious Lovino had ever seen the typically gleeful Spaniard - it may have actually been the first time he'd seen him without a smile.

A look of panic crossed the largest boy's face, but he quickly recomposed himself and studied the newest arrival with a look of contempt. "Lovino here says he wants to fight us."

Antonio's cold eyes flashed to Lovino for all of a split second. He took a few tentative steps up toward the boy, smirking. Lovino stared in wonder at this new Antonio, on who radiated not happiness, but something much more menacing, much more cold. Antonio straightened his back, standing a good 8 centimeters taller than his enemy, who almost cowered in his presence. Lovino didn't blame him; he would be frightened, too, if Antonio was his enemy. He looked deadly.

"Well, if you want to fight Lovino, you're gonna have to fight me, too." His voice came out in almost a growl.

Lovino noticed he was just gaping at Antonio like the rest of them, and he shifted his expression shifted to his standard scowl. "Yeah, if you wanna fight, you have to fight both of us!" He shook a fist at the boy nearest to him.

Antonio tilted his head to the side, raising a questioning eyebrow. The boy looked desperately to his friends, who all shook their heads furiously, and the leader backed away in retreat. "You're not worth it, really." The four of them trudged away with their tails between their legs.

Grinning, Antonio looked over to Lovino, who offered a small smile in return. Antonio had changed from the threatening demeanor to his normal, warm self in a split second. He skipped over to Lovino, and placed a hand covered in an overly-long shirt sleeve on his shoulder. "We really told them, huh?"

Lovino grumbled at the close contact and said, "You know, I could've taken them myself, you didn't have to do anything." He shrugged Antonio off his shoulder and turned to face him.

Antonio laughed, the same perfect sound that melted sweetly in Lovino's ears. Lovino's protests were muffled underneath the clear rings of happiness, and Antonio sighed and said, laughter still on his voice, "Oh, I bet you could have, but you didn't even have to fight them with me. Scared of a big kid, _sí?" _He made a mockingly scary face and tackle-hugged Lovino, causing them both to stumble back a few paces and bumping into someone.

The pair of giggling boys looked up at the stern-faced man they had bumped into, fear filling their eyes. "Uh, we're really sorry, sir." The man turned on heel away from the boys, who burst into laughter once more.

* * *

The sun had started setting by the time Lovino decide to head back to the room. He hadn't had much to eat in the past two days, and he could hear his stomach growling in complaint. Sighing, he made his way down below deck to his room to go check in with Feliciano and Grandpa Roma before heading to the mess hall.

When he peeked his head into the room, Feli was the only one there, sitting with his legs folded, his sketchbook in his lap. His head turned when he heard the door open and he stared at Lovino. "Where have you been?"

Lovino let out a sigh of relief. Antonio wasn't there. "I was out."

"Out? Doing what?"

"Stuff! Feliciano, you ask too many questions." He threw himself down onto his own bed and stared up at the ceiling. Sometimes he wished he could be as childish and clueless as his younger brother, but he was the older one, the mature one.

"But if you don't ask questions, you'll never get answers." He said it as if it were that simple.

"Sometimes you're better off not knowing." He sighed. There were questions Lovino had, questions he didn't want to ask, he was too scared of the answers… He was definitely better of in the dark. He didn't want to hear why Antonio left, why he didn't say goodbye…

Lovino sat up and was about to get up to go to dinner when Feliciano asked another question. "Lovino, do you still like Antonio?"

Lovino froze. His face must have been a sight to see, because Feliciano almost burst out laughing. "_Fratello, _you look like a tomato!"

His face felt hot, and he yelled, "Shut up, bastard! What kind of question is that, anyways, of course I don't, that was a long time ago! It's not like- there's no way-" He couldn't finish.

Feliciano raised a questioning eyebrow, like he didn't quite believe him. "You were really close when you were little kids."

"_Wow, Lovino, look at this!" Antonio exclaimed, pointing at the cart. Lovino tilted his head up to see what he was gesturing to, and he saw it- the, biggest, reddest tomato he had ever laid eyes on. Lovino's mouth watered just looking at it. _

_He checked the change in his pocket and was sorely disappointed when his hands came up empty. He couldn't buy it. "It looks tasty," he said wistfully. _

_He picked the tomato off the cart and grinned at Lovino. He stepped up to the cashier, what few liras he had in his hand, and bought the tomato. He walked back up to Lovino, smiling like an idiot, and extended his arm, tomato in hand, to Lovino. _

_Lovino just eyed the tomato. "But you bought this."_

"_I bought it for you, silly." He rolled his eyes and put the tomato in Lovino's hand._

"_Uh." Lovino felt the color rise to his cheeks. He held the tomato, then, hesitantly, he lifted the tomato to his lips and took a bite. It was just as good, if not better than he expected, and his face lit up as he tasted the delicious tomato. "It's really good- ah, I mean, thank you." He hid his face._

_Antonio laughed. "Lovi, your face looks like the tomato!"_

"That doesn't matter anymore, Feli." Lovino stood and stared at him, scowling. Hopefully Feliciano understood the serious consequences of liking another man, but as childish as he was, he probably didn't see the problem. Lovino let out a large sigh and continued, "Feliciano, there are things you don't say, things you don't do, with another man. It may be excusable as little kids, but as adults it is a lot more serious. Do you understand?"

Feliciano shrunk back, clutching his sketchbook. His face wore an expression of disappointment and sadness, but he nodded. "I know." His voice was small.

Lovino offered a small smile. He wondered what Feliciano made of this whole situation- could he be jealous, that Lovino was able to find his childhood love, that Antonio came back to him, when Feli's own love could not? Lovino suddenly felt an incredible amount of sympathy for his younger brother; he had to go through so much more as a child, Lovino almost felt guilty for being as emotional as he had been when his brother had to endure twice the pain he did.

"Come on, we should head down to dinner." He grabbed Feliciano's hand and dragged him off the bed.

He swung open the door and crashed straight into Antonio, who had a hand raised to knock. He let out a surprised grunt and caught Lovino mid-step, who hadn't quite registered what happened and stared up at Antonio. His eyes sparkled in amusement as he held Lovino. "_Hola," _he greeted, a playful smile on his lips.

Lovino quickly pushed himself and Antonio apart, blushing furiously. "What are you doing here?" He spat angrily. He had spent all day avoiding him, just to crash into him now…

As usual, he took no notice to Lovino's harsh tone. He smiled happily at Feliciano and asked, "Were you about to head out?"

"What the hell do you think, bastard?" Lovino remarked snarkily.

Feliciano's answer was much kinder. "Yes, we were just about to go down to dinner, I heard they were serving pasta!"

Antonios smile never failed to to set Lovino off, the charming radiating off him, as contagious as poison ivy. Lovino's heart stopped in his chest every time he cast a glance his way, and he couldn't keep his head on correctly. He mentally swore several times for letting Antonio have this sort of effect on him, all over, what, a single year a decade and a half ago? How could he do this to him? Lovino didn't want- he couldn't want him.

So why did he feel like he needed him?

"Ah, Feli, why don't you go on ahead," Antonio suggested, rubbing his neck. "I have to talk to your brother."

Lovino tensed at those words. Talk? Oh. No, he didn't want to hear a single word out of that bastard's mouth, he didn't want to listen to him try to make up excuses for why he stopped caring when all along Lovino never stopped caring for him, not in all of those dreadful, lonely, fifteen growing years of his. He didn't want to know. He was too scared.

Feliciano nodded, and Lovino could see he understood the situation exactly. He walked off down the hall, and Antonio waited until he was out of earshot before turning to Lovino. "Lo-"

"No." Lovino spoke before Antonio even had the chance to finish a single word. His emotions were a battleground; anger and fury and disappointment were brewing in him while simultaneously all he wanted was to know that Antonio was sorry, that he regretted what he did to him and that he still felt the same way Lovino had all these years and he would be willing to do anything to get him back.

But he wouldn't hear those words, would he? Lovino wasn't worthy of words of that sort, Antonio probably wasn't sorry at all, he was probably just going to explain that he didn't like Lovino, just like everybody else, because why would he? Lovino was a petulant, childish, and irritable 22 year old man who couldn't even get over a single childhood crush.

Antonio sighed. "I know you're mad at me, and you have a right to be, but if you would just let me explain-"

"There's nothing I want to hear from you, bastard." Lovino's tone was one of absolute dismissal, icier than he'd ever spoken to him before.

For the first time since they had encountered again, Antonio's face fell. He looked so upset, Lovino's resolve almost slipped, but he turned the other cheek and walked down the hall after Feliciano.

But he wasn't far enough away to not hear the next words out of Antonio's mouth.

"That's okay, Lovi. I can wait forever for you to be ready."


End file.
